Who's in control?

"I can  do all things through Christ who gives me strength"...Phil. 4:13

For the better part of my 41 years on this planet, it has been all about me.....what can I do for me?, what's in it for me?, etc..but as I get older, and my circumstances become more challenging, I am seeing for the first time that it's NOT all about me, but all about HIM! Jesus Christ through the Father, works to make sure that life isn't all about us. Because I've had my focus on myself and even my family, sometimes God has to put what I like to think as "wake-up calls" in our paths to make us realize that..."HELLO", it's not all about you.

Let me explain........recently I have experienced a job loss, actually, it's been over a year. Anyway, for the first couple of months everything was okay (so I thought) because I felt like I was entitled to take some time off from working because I had spent so much time working....lol But, this was not the case, although at the time I could not see it, because the longer I remained out of work, guess what? I became lazy, self-centered, out of focus, etc.. and that led me to sink into a deep depression, the likes of which I have never experienced, even after my father's untimely death in 1982. There was no direction at the time, I didn't care about anything because I was paying bills on time and still having extra to spend on myself and my son.  But the depression became more intense to the point where I didn't want to get out of the bed and even days where I didn't eat. In the back of my mind, I knew that Jesus was trying to get my attention, but I convinced myself (or someone helped me) that all that would happen would be that I would read the Bible for a few days and then it would be back to the same old routine. So, I wouldn't pick it up, just keep walking by it, thinking to myself, "Why should I try THIS again?".

Then, something started to happen.....the money began to thin out, the job search had stalled, I basically started giving up and not really caring what happened! But God did care and He was always there with me......even when I doubted that He wanted anything to do with me. I can't tell you how it felt when I began to realize that by not allowing God to be in control and thinking that I could do it all, I was allowing Satan to come in and take over my life, clouding my judgement, and taking away the experience of walking with God. This is not to say that I won't experience adversity in my life...oh no, just the opposite!!!  To this day, I am experiencing adversity, but I'm learning that it's the way in which we handle such adversity that reflects our relationship with God.

The funny thing about being depressed, is that there are so many alternatives in which we can handle or treat depression. I have found myself watching commericals for the drugs that are used to treat depression/mental illness, and I'm telling y'all, when you hear the side effects of such drugs, that alone can almost bring you out of depression!! I'm not making light of being depressed or having mental illness, but speaking for myself, I can only say that I do not wish to take something that could possibly do me more harm than good!!  In fact, some of the commericals that advertise such drugs scare me with the thought of what they can do to not only your body,but your mind!

Now, I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I am working on re-establishing my relationship with God by returning to the Word. My next step is finding a church that will minister to me and my family, both through the good and bad times. My goal for the new year is to return to the Master!

My hope throughout this blog is to reach out to those who are experiencing the same things and minister to them! If you know of someone who is tired of living the way they are and wants to change their life, please pass this blog to them. 

I can be reached on Facebook or my email address.....agwade1@rocketmail.com or amandawd9@gmail.com.